April Winchell

You might not have detected this from reading my web site, but I’m losing my fucking mind.

Things have been tough lately. Getting older is not a lot of fun, and even less so when you have health issues that seem to worsen every aspect of the process.

I keep thinking the best course of action would be to set me adrift, like the Eskimos used to do with their old people. Of course, there are no ice floes in Sherman Oaks, so I’d probably just get an air mattress and move into the walk-in closet in our bedroom.

But that’s all I’m going to say about it, because frankly, it’s boring. In fact, the only thing duller than someone talking about their health is someone talking about their teeth.

So let’s talk about happy things. Like vacations. Big, fat, luxurious trips, with lots of naps.

And books.

Real ones, with pages you turn instead of scroll.

And cocktails. Many, many cocktails.

Preferably blue ones. Or layered ones that look like sunsets. Or slushy pink ones that come in souvenir bowls you can take home and keep your prescriptions in.

That, my friends, is exactly what I need.

So tomorrow, John and I are going to Mexico, getting on a boat and sailing to Hawaii. Five days at sea, followed by a week visiting the Hawaiian islands. And on the last day, John and I are swimming with dolphins.

Well, he’ll be swimming with dolphins. I’ll be taking pictures. I’ve heard too many stories about horny dolphins mounting unsuspecting tourists, and I’m not about to be Flipper’s bitch.

I’ve set up my cell phone so I can add Twitter updates to this site, and upload pictures to Facebook. I’ve done it two or three times now and it seems to be working, so I’ll try to put up some pictures during the trip. I’m pretty sure my profile is public on Facebook, but if you want to add me, try to do it before I leave tomorrow.

I’ll be back on the 17th, and then Mick and I go right into producing another round of TV commercials for these guys:

I’m so looking forward to that. Professionally speaking, those spots were the highlight of 2007 for me, and I think this batch will be just as good.

- Aloha, from Keoni and Apelila

I’ll be appearing at the Hollywood Collectors Show in Burbank this Saturday!

Now I’ve ever actually done the HCS, or any autograph show for that matter, But from what I understand, it works like this:

1. Someone rents out a convention center
2. Low grade celebs show up to sell shit
3. Doors are opened, allowing influx of fanboys, furries and shut-ins
4. PROFIT!!!

Even though this is an autograph collector’s show, I hadn’t planned to actually charge for signing anything (I may be insane, but even I know what my autograph is worth). But I was told that I had to charge for my autograph, so I’m asking for $15 - $20 a pop, and I’m donating the money to Project Angel Food. That should take some of the sting out of it.

I had 4 different photos of me with my dad printed on nice stock, and I’ll be signing those. I’m also selling original Winchell Mahoney scripts, 1940’s photos of my dad performing in the Catskills and lots of other paper memorabilia, like signed checks, vintage fan club handouts and clippings.

I’m also bringing stuff pertaining to my own work, like Disney DVDs, scripts and a few vintage toys of characters I’ve voiced. We’ll see how it goes.

To be perfectly honest though, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

It’s not that I don’t want to be there, I do. in fact, that’s the problem. I don’t know how I can sit there when there are so many has-beens to be gawked at. I’m going to be in the same room as Donna Mills and Corey Haim, for God’s sake. How long could you stay in your seat?

Here are some of the other marginally famous people that will be in my world on Saturday:

Tom ‘Billy Jack’ Laughlin*
Leslie Nielsen
Jane Russell
Nancy Allen
Barry Bostwick
Angela Cartwright
Micky Dolenz
Geri Jewell*
Pamela Sue Martin
Bill Mumy
Nia Peeples
Donna Pescow*
Tracy Scoggins
Altovise Davis (selling the book, Yes I Can: The Story Of Sammy Davis, Jr.)

* Super high What The Fuck factor™

And best of all, from Deal or No Deal, Bonnie-Jill “15′” Laflin and Marisa “18″ Petroro! Wow, huh? I mean, it’s not like they got #23 and #12, for God’s sake!

So that’s my Saturday, and for a mere $20, it can be your Saturday too!

Burbank Airport Marriott Hotel and Convention Center
2500 Hollywood Way
Burbank, CA 91505
(818) 843-6000

Saturday, October 4
10:00 am - 5:00 PM

See you there!

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